Beyond Roses and Romance: Rethinking Love This Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is a moment to stop and think about love of all kinds, not just the romantic type.

Key points:

Valentine’s Day has roots in sacrificial love and faith, not just romance, reminding us there’s more to love than hearts and roses.

The Bible presents love as an active, self-giving commitment grounded in God’s character, not just a feeling or relationship status.

Real love is lived out through everyday actions, choosing to show care, generosity and patience to others, especially when it’s inconvenient.

As Valentine’s Day approaches are you full of joy or dread? Depending on where you’re up to in life, it could be either a celebration or a reminder that things haven’t quite gone to plan.

The start of February brings a change to our shopping centres and social media feeds. Everything turns pink and love hearts abound – and that’s even before the red roses appear everywhere.

So, what’s all the fuss about and how do we find the heart in the middle of the sea of pink?

Who was Valentine?

Who knows? Really. History tells us there may even have been two Valentines, both martyred and worthy of sainthood.

One Valentine was a holy priest in Rome at the time of Emperor Claudius in the mid-third century. To keep pace with the military campaigns of the time, the emperor opted to ban marriage for young men, so they wouldn’t be worried about their wives and families when they headed off to war.

Committed to the Christian model of marriage, Valentine secretly continued to marry young couples in spite of the edict from above. His actions were eventually uncovered, and he was killed and buried along the Via Flaminia on 14 February 270AD.

The type of love that our culture tells us we need is the romantic kind.

The second Valentinus was a Bishop from Terni in Umbria. With many miracles attributed to him, he was called to Rome where he restored the sight of a Roman official’s daughter. When the family converted to Christianity, Valentinus was arrested and then beheaded on 14 February when he refused to worship the pagan Roman gods.

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Whether these accounts tell the story of the same person or not, St Valentine has become a symbol of romantic love and the date of his death the moment we celebrate.

But could there be something deeper here too?

What is love really?

The type of love that our culture tells us we need is the romantic kind. Whether on the TV screen, at the cinema, on the page or over the air, finding a partner is meant to make life complete in every way.

But that’s only one kind of love – and it’s one that can come to an end sooner than we’re made to believe.

If we dig into the Bible, we see another kind. One that’s not about being in love, but about loving. One that’s less about me and more about you.

Love that always protects, always trusts, always hopes.

God is love

Maybe you’ve heard about it at a wedding?

A love that is patient and kind. Not envious, boastful or proud. It’s selfless and values other people. It doesn’t keep score or get angry. It looks for good and loves the truth. It’s a love that always protects, always trusts, always hopes. And doesn’t give up. Ever. (1 Corinthians 13)

Sound good? It’s a great foundation for a marriage but wouldn’t all our relationships be better if this kind of love was at the heart?

Your time and attention are more valuable than chocolates.

The book of John tells us that love comes from God.

1 John 4:7-21

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

We love because he first loved us. Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. ²¹And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.

Love differently

On Valentine’s Day this year, try taking some time to activate your love rather than pinning your hopes on roses.

You could:

Take an older family member out for a special morning tea and spend some time in conversation. Your time and attention are more valuable than chocolates.

Offer to help a parent, grandparent or even your children, get a job done at home.

Reach out to a neighbour, especially one who might be on their own.

Donate to charity or volunteer your time to a cause that matters to you.

Is there a relationship you’ve given up on? It might not be too late to show up and do the hard work of repairing what feels broken?

Be the love that God describes

The world (and the Beatles) will tell you that all you need is love but God tells us that he is love and because he “so loved us, we also ought to love one another”.

God flips our focus from who is showing me love to how can I show someone else love?

Who can you show some love to today?

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