What it is Like to Actually Be 40 and Single

Like many others, Chiemezie Nwosu did not plan to be 40 and single.

A university lecturer in Sydney and originally from Nigeria, Chiemezie always wanted to be married. 

She still does.

“Sometimes I still tell God, ‘The clock is ticking,'” Chiemezie told Hope Mornings ahead of the release of her first book, 40 and Single: Faith. Waiting. Becoming.

“Especially as a woman, I am not oblivious of the fact that time is a very serious factor in terms of marriage and if you want to have kids.

“I don’t downplay those things.”

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40 and Single was borne out of frustration at an absence of shared support Chiemezie expected to find in Christian resources.

“I would get excited and then there would be such a letdown when I got to the end,” Chiemezie said about relationship books she read.

“I’d realise this person is not really in the same season; they’re writing a reflection [in hindsight].

“The original title of my book was ‘Authentically Single’.

“I thought there was a lack of authenticity in the way we spoke about singleness.

“We did not talk about it in the middle of the season; as if there was some sort of shame [attached].”

Admitting to having felt shame about not yet being married, Chiemezie was challenged by “the Holy Spirit to write what you want to read”.

Write the sort of Christian relationship book she strongly felt was needed for other 40-somethings wrestling with waiting, relatable desire, and God’s promises.

A key discovery as Chiemezie poured her life into 40 and Single was “wow; God has really been good”.

Chiemezie knows we can always find the negatives in our lives and dwell upon them.

Without looking to diminish the struggle, heartache or longing we experience, 40 and Single is a call to also consider the positive parts of where God has you.

“I was so fixated on the one thing – still single; not yet married – and I forgot that all these other blessings are mine for the taking,” Chiemezie said.

“God is actually blessing me in all these other great ways.

“Writing the book gave me the chance to reflect and express gratitude to God.”

Chiemezie hopes 40 and Single helps others to realise God is active during season of waiting.

Whether it is for marriage or any other good desire, waiting provides another opportunity for considerable growth.

“Ultimately, God’s plan is to make us more like Jesus,” Chiemezie said.

“So every day with every experience I’m having, with the people he has put around me… God is always looking to grow my character.

“And that’s not just for marriage.

“That would be a gift I can give to my future spouse – but it’s a gift for the Kingdom of God.

“It’s a gift to me as well that I can say, right now, I like who I am.”

Listen to the full interview with Chiemezie Nwosu in the player above.

Feature image: Supplied