How one Sydney mum found unexpected support in her church community after her marriage ended

Key points:

  • After years of infertility and a traumatic IVF twin pregnancy, Rebekah’s husband of 11 years left her for a co-worker in 2024.
  • Parenting alone has been especially difficult with her autistic son’s violent shutdowns triggered by the disruption to his routine.
  • Rebekah is calling on churches to “adopt” single mums by including them in family gatherings, helping ease the shame she felt within church culture after separation.

After years of infertility, a traumatic twin pregnancy and adjusting to finally becoming a mother, Rebekah’s husband of 11 years left her. It was chaotic, heartbreaking and now underpins her passion to see single mums better supported within the church.

Meeting while serving in ministry, Rebekah and her husband were initially drawn to their shared passion for worship and church life.

“I just saw someone that was really on fire for God,” Rebekah told Hope 103.2’s UNDISTRACTED podcast.

In the early years of their marriage, the couple spent seven years working in church in England, before returning to Australia to be closer to family as they continued trying to have children.

“It got to a point where we didn’t know if we were going to be able to have kids,” Rebekah said.

Unbeknownst to them, Rebekah had fallen pregnant through IVF just before they left the UK. It was a dream come true but dropped them into an unexpectedly isolating experience away from the community they’d established.

“It was very lonely,” Rebekah said.

“I had spent seven years in the UK and the system there, [and] I journeyed with all my girlfriends through their first, second, third pregnancy.

“Finding out I was pregnant was a complete shock because I’d spent all that time, six years, telling myself, comforting myself, that I will never be a mother.

“Then I get the positive pregnancy test and I was like, ‘oh my word, I can’t do this, I’m not going to be ready’.”

In 2024, just before the twins started school, Rebekah got more startling news with her husband revealing he’d fallen in love with a co-worker.

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“I thought, ‘That’s fine, we can work on it together,’” Rebekah said.

“But six months later, he left and moved in with her.”

Rebekah’s autistic son didn’t adjust to the change well, going into violent shutdowns as he alternated between different home environments.

“After [my sons] visited their dad, when they came back, I would have to send his brother off to stay with a friend for the day just to protect him because of the violence in the home,” Rebekah said.

“It was really awful, having to deal with that on your own.”

Amid her own panic attacks, disbelief and grief, Rebekah rode the waves of questioning God’s intent, ultimately ‘pressing into God’ as a way to care for herself.

“Some people have said, ‘Bek you are really resilient’, and it honestly doesn’t feel like that,” Rebekah said.

“It just feels like the only option.

“Either I press into Jesus and grow and see him come through for me, or I don’t know. I don’t know if there is another option.”

The music Rebekah heard through Hope 103.2 also became a lifeline, including Forest Frank’s Lemonade.

“[The lyrics] talk about how life gives us lemons, but Jesus turns it into lemonade,” Rebekah said.

“[My sons and I] were grooving on the song and it was the talking point, so I could say ‘boys this isn’t the end of the story. The end of the story is always good’.”

Just over two years since her husband left, Rebekah is still in the early days of single motherhood but already sees how the church can alleviate feelings of shame and be a place of support.

“Shame can be heightened in the church because the expectation is more that people stay together,” Rebekah said.

When her husband first left, Rebekah “wanted a sign saying, ‘It wasn’t me. I’m okay. I’m acceptable, just because I’ve been left’”.

Instead what churches can do, is “adopt a single mum”.

“Invite her to family things. Have a regular dinner or Sunday lunch. Just so they feel that they’re part of something,” Rebekah said.

At her current church they “embrace me and celebrate who I am”.

“Everyone’s just so friendly, no one’s faking it,” Rebekah said.

“I’m able to feel seen by them.”

Rebekah isn’t quite ready to dream about what her future may look like in this new season, but she’s seen God reshape her understanding of “kingdom purpose” and impact.

“’Kingdom’ is wherever He’s Lord,” Rebekah said.

“Teaching my boys kindness, spending time in the Word, speaking to someone at the shops – that’s kingdom impact as well.”

Listen to the full episode of UNDISTRACTED with guest Rebekah in the player above or wherever you get your podcasts.


Laura Bennett

Laura Bennett

Laura hosts Hope Afternoons on Hope 103.2, sharing uplifting music, engaging interviews and her insights as a reviewer and author. She is also the host of the UNDISTRACTED podcast where she explores the lives and expertise of her guests in order to learn how to become better at building our lives with intention, and live in the ways of Jesus.

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