We’ve all been there: “Do I? Don’t I?” As Janet Evans puts it, “Life is full of dilemmas.”
Key points:
- “A moral dilemma [is] an internal sense of right or wrong… scenarios that challenge your values and force you to make difficult choices.”
- In moral dilemmas, outcomes matter, and so do the means.
- Safety and grace both matter.
- Listen to this episode of She Wasn’t Born Yesterday in the player above or wherever you get your podcasts.
On She Wasn’t Born Yesterday, Janet and Jenni take us from spinach-in-the-teeth moments to the trickier stuff; betrayal, boundaries, confidentiality and the classic trolley dilemma, with equal parts honesty and humour.
“An ethical dilemma refers to the external principles of good versus evil… generally agreed on by a community,” Janet explained.
In contrast, “a moral dilemma [is] an internal sense of right or wrong… scenarios that challenge your values and force you to make difficult choices.”
Jenni hears the heartbeat of it: “Do I? Don’t I? Do I? Don’t I?” That loop lives in our heads whether it’s telling a boss their fly is undone or weighing whether to reveal someone’s affair.
“A moral dilemma [is] an internal sense of right or wrong… scenarios that challenge your values and force you to make difficult choices.”
The train dilemma (and why it still gets us)
It’s the classic thought experiment: a runaway train is heading towards five people.
Do you pull a lever to divert it onto a track with one person? Or, in the tougher variation, “push” a bystander to stop it?
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In moral dilemmas, outcomes matter, and so do the means.
It’s a neat picture of what we feel in real life: outcomes matter, and so do the means.
When love gets complicated: to tell or not to tell?
Janet recounts a long-ago shock: discovering a tennis friend, “let’s call him Chris”, had a secret wife and child while dating “Natalie” in their social circle.
“Think of all the lies you would have to surround yourself with every single day,” Janet says.
Her husband urged disclosure: “You need to tell her because she needs to know.”
Safety and grace both matter.
Church, safety and who needs to know
Jenni raises another tough case: someone with a past child-sexual-assault conviction starts attending church.
“Do you tell the families? Who has a right to know?” she asks.
“The senior minister needs to know… and have a conversation.” Safety and grace both matter.
Listen to this episode of She Wasn’t Born Yesterday in the player above or wherever you get your podcasts.
A hope-filled way to choose
This conversation doesn’t hand out quick fixes, but it does model a way to walk them, with curiosity, compassion and courage.
Listen to this episode of She Wasn’t Born Yesterday in the player above or wherever you get your podcasts.
This article was prepared with AI assistance and carefully reviewed by our Digital team.
Feature image: CanvaPro
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