Busy or Single Parents? Why Connection Matters More Than Constant Presence

In the latest episode of the Raising Teens podcast, psychologist, teacher and author Collette Smart responded to a listener question from a single parent struggling to balance work responsibilities with raising a teenager.

The listener described feeling torn whenever school issues arose, wondering whether work commitments meant they were not doing enough as a parent.

Collette’s response was simple and reassuring.

“Being stretched doesn’t mean you’re failing,” she said.

Many parents, particularly single parents, carry significant financial, emotional, and practical responsibilities while trying to support their children.

Let go of the super-parent myth

Collette believes one of the greatest challenges parents face is the unrealistic expectation that they should be available for everything.

School events, emotional needs, sports, friendships and unexpected crises can quickly create the feeling that parents are constantly falling short.

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She encouraged parents to ask themselves a different set of questions.

If the answer is yes, Collette said parents are already doing some of the most important work of raising a teenager.

Parenting is about helping teens feel loved, valued and important – not being available every minute of every day.

She also encouraged parents who are unsure to ask their teens directly and create space for honest conversations about what connection looks like for them.

Connection matters more than constant presence

Many working parents worry they are missing important opportunities because of their schedules.

Collette said teenagers do not necessarily need constant interaction.

“Connection matters much more than your constant presence,” she said.

“A five-minute meaningful conversation can be more important or have more impact than hours spent in the same room.”

Rather than focusing on how much time they have, parents can focus on meaningful touchpoints throughout the week.

For one of Collette’s children, that connection came through regular text messages. For another family, it might involve shared meals, coffee outings, sporting events or simple daily check-ins.

The key is understanding what feels meaningful to each teen.

Small moments of intentional connection can have a lasting impact on a teenager.

Protect meaningful family rituals

Collette also highlighted the value of simple family rituals.

One example she shared was maintaining a goodnight routine, even during the teenage years.

Whether it is a quick goodnight, a short conversation before bed or another meaningful family habit, those repeated moments can communicate care and consistency.

She encouraged parents to find routines that work for their family and adapt them as teenagers grow and change.

Connection, she said, often happens in small ordinary moments rather than grand gestures.

Build a team around your teenager

Another important message was the value of community.

“No teen is meant to be raised by one adult alone,” Collette said.

Research on resilience consistently points to the importance of supportive relationships beyond parents, including grandparents, teachers, mentors, coaches and trusted family friends.

Rather than feeling guilty when other adults play a significant role in a teenager’s life, parents can recognise those relationships as valuable sources of support and encouragement.

Community, Collette said, strengthens resilience and reminds parents they do not have to carry every responsibility on their own.

Give yourself grace

As the episode concluded, Collette encouraged parents to be kind to themselves.

Teens do not need perfect parents.

“Your teen doesn’t need a perfect parent,” she said.

“They need a parent who keeps showing up.”

For parents feeling overwhelmed by work, travel or the demands of everyday life, her challenge was to consider one small but meaningful way to connect with their teen this week – not based on an ideal life with more time, but within the reality of life as it is today.

Listen to the full conversation in the player above. All episodes of Raising Teens are available on the podcast page.

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