How do you speak to yourself?
Key points
- “The way we talk to ourselves in our head definitely shapes… how self-compassionate we are, or are not.”
- Positive self-talk is supportive and kind and enables us to approach stress in a helpful, productive way.
- Listen to this episode of Raising Teens with Collett Smart on the Hope 103.2 app, in the player above or wherever you get your podcasts.
Positive and negative self-talk can have a huge impact on our daily lives – and particularly those of our teens.
“The way we talk to ourselves in our head definitely shapes… how self-compassionate we are, or are not,” said Raising Teens’ host and psychologist Collett Smart.
Collett defines self-talk as a “constant chatter inside our heads.”
“It’s a combination or conscious thoughts, and our unconscious beliefs and our biases.”
“The way we talk to ourselves in our head definitely shapes… how self-compassionate we are, or are not.”
Self-talk is our brain’s way of interpreting and processing our experiences and can be both helpful and unhelpful.
Can you remember what you’ve said to yourself today? Was the voice in your head critical? Was it kind? Perhaps it was helpful?
Positive self-talk is supportive and kind and enables us to approach stress in a helpful, productive way, Collett explained on this mini episode of Raising Teens.
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Rather than promoting toxic positivity, positive self-talk “can help our teens process experiences, it helps them make decisions and it even helps them ask questions about what they’re thinking or what they’re about to do,” she said.
Negative self-talk can become repetitive and overwhelming and can be difficult to recognise.
Positive self-talk is supportive and kind and enables us to approach stress in a helpful, productive way.
Collett explained that it can take practise to recognise and replace unhealthy, negative self-talk with more positive thoughts.
Here are Collett’s top four tips to help reframe negative self-talk:
1. Find out what the negative self-talk is
Ask your teen about their self-talk, and specifically what it is telling them in certain situations.
If they’re comfortable doing so, ask them to write it down or say it out loud, which will help them be aware of what they’re saying to themselves.
Voicing these thoughts can drastically reduce their power.
2. Challenge the negative self-talk
It’s important to challenge the negative self-talk by asking your teen to ask themselves, “is this actually true?”
Often, it’s not true – in which case, ask them if there might be another perspective or solution in this situation.
3. Watch what you watch
Being aware of the messages we’re taking in via media or social media is really important.
By using movies and social media as teachable moments, in their lives and in our own, we’re able to discuss the way different things make us think and feel.
4. Respond with kindness
Ask your teen to take one example of the negative self-talk and respond to that sentence in the way they’d respond to a friend.
Encourage them to replace the negative thoughts with a positive thought. eg. “I can’t cope with this situation,” can become, “I’m coping ok… there’s a lot happening… this situation is really stressful, but it will pass.”
Collett challenges all of us to focus on one strength that our child possesses and work that into a conversation with them this week.
And to do the same for ourselves.
Listen to this episode of Raising Teens with Collett Smart on the Hope 103.2 app, in the player above or wherever you get your podcasts.
Feature image: Photo by CanvaPro
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