Spirit Filled Relationships – Ephesians 5:1-14 — A Christian Growth Message

Transcript

Heavenly Father, as we’re conscious of darkness in our world and dark days for ourselves, we pray that the light of your Word this morning, would brighten our path, our minds, our hearts. And that you would lead us into joyful, constructive, hopeful and helpful ways, and we ask it in Jesus’ name, amen.

We’re coming to the end friends of a journey in the book of Ephesians, and it may help you to remember that the letter is really filling out the words of Jesus when he said, I will build my church.

So Jesus never promised to build a company.

He never promised that he would build a business.

He never promised that he would build a bank.

But he promised that he would build a church, and he began, as you may remember in Ephesians by fixing the chasm between God and us, removing the barrier at the cross so that we might approach God in faith safely and receive his forgiveness. And then horizontally he’s created a family around the world through the centuries, a people of God.

A reborn family.

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And the new life which he puts into his people, the Holy Spirit, affects everything that we do, everything that we do, you can’t compartmentalise Christianity.

You can’t say my Christianity is at 9 o’clock on Sundays, the rest of the week is something else.

That’s just impossible, it’s not as though Christianity is a bridge club. Or a football team.

Christianity is a brand new life, I mean imagine somebody who’s fallen in love, and they say to you, you know I don’t think about her, I don’t think about him until the weekends because that’s when I’m free. We would say, of course, that’s impossible. You can’t compartmentalise like that.

And so it is with the Christian faith, once you have got a new heart, a new life, a new love in your heart. It affects everything…

If you can, my friends, compartmentalise your Christian life, it’s possible you don’t have it.

It’s a full-time 24/7 life.

Now the verses today which we come to in Ephesians show how Jesus Christ revolutionises relationships and he does this of course in our passage in the home and also in the world. They are actually very unpopular verses, did you notice the word submission?

People don’t like to hear that.

But you’ll also notice that the world is pretty hopeless at relationships.

And the further the world gets away from New Testament Christianity, the worse the relationships become. Which is of course a very good reason for looking again at these verses.

Now as we come to these verses about husbands, wives, children, parents, workers and bosses, I recognise there are some people here today who are single.

Some are bereaved.

Some are divorced.

And you may be thinking to yourself, well, I’ve just come on the wrong day, this is not the right passage for me, and I want to say to you quite quickly at the front that all of us have relationships. And these relationships in Ephesians 5 all point us to Christ. And we could well do with being pointed to Christ. Not only that, but these relationships in Ephesians will equip us as God’s people to help other people to have good relationships, it’s impossible that these verses will be irrelevant.

They will encourage you about Christ and they’ll equip you for being his servant.

So I’ve got two headings this morning from Ephesians 5. The first is the power of humility, and that’s just verse 21.

And then the 2nd 3 supernatural relationships, and that’s the rest of the reading, OK?

So first of all, the power of humility, chapter 5 verse 21, where Paul says submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

I don’t have time to tell you this morning the joke of the man who takes a job at the zoo, filling in as a gorilla wearing a gorilla suit. You’ll have to ask me at morning tea if you don’t know that story, but basically the the point of the story is that Christianity is not a skin.

You don’t just get to put it on as some external fake. Christianity is not a coat.

That you pick up at the door and leave as you leave, it’s not a name tag, Christianity is a life, and in chapter 5 verse 18, if you go back a few verses, you’ll see Paul describes the Christian life as being filled with the spirit.

Filled with the Holy Spirit.

If you don’t have the Holy Spirit, you’re not really a Christian. If you do have the Holy Spirit, you’ll understand what God is saying in these verses. If you don’t have the Holy Spirit, the verses will seem nonsense. And maybe even impossible.

So that’s why we turn to 5:21 and Paul says to all Christians, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ, literally out of fear for Christ.

He says I want you to submit or serve one another, I want you to be humble towards one another, I want you to fit in with one another, I want you to cooperate with one another, I want you to give yourself to one another.

And therefore, before we look at the special examples which come in the passage, please notice that he says this to every Christian. There is no Christian who is above chapter 5 verse 21.

We are to submit to one another, every Christian is called to this. Now why would the apostle Paul ask us to submit to one another and give encouragement to people to be humble when they could be great.

Isn’t this a dangerous verse? Is it not possible that if we submit to one another, we’ll open the door to abuse and to being oppressed and maybe even squashed? Is it possible that by asking people to submit to one another, they’ll become grovelling, and they’ll have a poor self-image, and maybe even they’ll be abused and they’ll be treated violently.

And the answer is no.

The answer is no, because Paul is not asking Christians to submit to abusive people.

He’s asking people, Christians to submit to submissive people.

God has a plan which is that the fellowship of the church would be a humble fellowship.

And if it’s a humble fellowship, it’ll be more of a harmonious fellowship, and if it’s a harmonious fellowship, it will be more of a witness to the world.

That God is a God of order.

And blessing.

And peace.

Now supremely of course we submit to one another because our Lord and saviour Jesus Christ submitted, even though he had all the reason in the universe not to submit to anyone, he submitted himself entirely in order that we might be saved.

I was stunned to read in the paper last week. I really was stunned to read an interview with one of the ABC journalists, a lady, very well-known lady, and she was asked in the interview the proverbial question, who would you like to have at a dinner table? Who would you like to have as your special guests, alive or dead?

And she mentioned a few people that she would like to have at a table and then she said this, I wouldn’t want anybody at the table with an ego.

Which is why I wouldn’t want Jesus at the table and as soon as I read that I thought to myself, that is the very opposite of what Jesus displayed.

Of course he had every reason to be treated incredibly but he himself had no ego.

You would never say looking at the life of Jesus that he was marked by pride. He submitted himself to sinners, he submitted himself to nincompoops. He submitted himself to the soldiers, even though he had all the greatness in the universe.

And I imagine if she had had Jesus at her table.

So in the context of Ephesians, when God had created a church, he makes the church up of people with a new life, the Holy Spirit, and he’s interested in harmony, symmetry, functionality, effectiveness and order.

And this of course is always necessary in a group of people, it’s necessary in a school, it’s necessary in an army, it’s necessary in a business, it’s necessary in a committee, and it’s necessary in the church. And so God creates his church, and you and I, if we belong to Christ, we are called to be like Christ in this, that we gladly submit to him, and we submit to one another. What will it look like in practise? It means that our conversations will be humble.

It means that we’ll be willing to serve one another, perhaps in ways that will be costly.

It means that the parish council will be marked by submission, the planning groups will be marked by submission to one another, there’ll be sacrificial care in the church, that’s what God is calling in 5:21, the power of humility.

Now second this morning, 3 supernatural relationships and this is where Paul comes to wives and husbands, children and parents, workers and bosses, and you’ll see that Christianity therefore goes behind the front door.

If your Christianity doesn’t go behind the front door, it’s probably not Christianity.

And it also goes behind the work door.

Believe it or not, a Christian will be a Christian at work.

You remember that every Christian is to be submissive and now Paul uses some specific examples, and he addresses first what we might call the supportive members of the relationships.

The wife being supportive, the children being supportive, the worker being supportive. Why does he address the supportive people first? Well, I suggest two reasons. One, it’s possible that some people have become Christians and they said I’m a Christian and I don’t report to anybody anymore except Christ.

And the apostle Paul says, no, no, no, Christ has removed the barriers which broke up the fellowship. He’s brought you together. But he’s not removed the roles which God has given to you. God has given roles out to his people, various roles to be acted out.

And the other reason why Paul addresses the supportive people first is because supportive people have great power.

Show me a worker at work who is unwilling to work, unwilling to support, unwilling to be helpful, and I’ll show you somebody who is a great burden on the boss.

Show me a child who’s unsubmissive, unsupportive, unwilling to obey, uncooperative, and I’ll show you a person who’s a challenge to the parents.

So let’s look at these quickly together. The first is a word to the wives, there are 3 verses to the wives, there are 8 verses to the husbands.

Here’s a paraphrase of what Paul says to the wives, he says, chapter 5 verse 22.

As a reflection or we might say as a mirror of your submission to Christ, for your husband has a role or a responsibility for authority or for loving leadership in the home. This means that the wife looks at her husband and she recognises because she’s a Christian, that God has given to her husband, in his creation plan, a role we might say of captaincy, it doesn’t mean that he’s any better, doesn’t mean that he’s smarter, it just means that he’s got a responsibility to give account for the direction of the home.

And you’ll remember that when Adam and Eve disobeyed. And God came looking for them. He asked the famous question, Adam, where are you? Because Adam was the one to whom God had given responsibility.

And if you’re a husband, you do have responsibility for the home in which you live, you have responsibility for the values of the home, the decisions of the home, the priorities of the home. And you also have responsibility for the faith of the home.

So this situation here is where Paul is addressing the wife and saying to her, remember you’re to recognise his role.

You’re to recognise also that you’re submitting to a lover.

And I assume this means that a wife will do what she can to make his role a pleasure.

And believe me friends, I’ve seen homes where husbands abdicate and abandon all their responsibility. And the wife is left to carry the responsibility. And it’s usually a miserable place.

But one of the most constructive things a wife can do is first of all to submit herself to Christ and then to free up her husband to be a loving leader.

And then to the husbands.

Verses 25 to 33, if I might paraphrase, Paul says, husbands love your wife, take your lead from Christ. He loved his bride, the church. In order that he might see her radiant. And since, says Paul, you’re one with your wife, one flesh, not just physically. But in God’s plans, you’re one unit. Then treat her at least as you would treat yourself. When Paul says later nobody ever hated their own body, he means of course nobody in their right mind ever hated their own body.

So isn’t it interesting, people wince at the verses about wives supporting their husbands, but they don’t recognise that the words geared to the husband – are longer and deeper and bigger and harder. Because he is to sacrifice himself for his wife.

And so I don’t think a Christian husband should ever around the house be talking about himself as the boss. Or having authority, or being in charge, because he will just be doing the loving leadership. And she’ll see it. She’ll recognise it, that he cares for me, that he’s making sacrifices for me.

And of course he should be leading spiritually as well, because he wants his wife to flourish.

In the present, and in eternity.

And therefore he wants his wife to have faith and security and joy and everything good.

I remember John Stott, who’s a bachelor, talking on these verses at a convention in Katoomba many years ago, and I never forgot, he said that the husband is to be a kind of a gardener. Making sure that his wife, like a very beautiful flower, flourishes. And has the right circumstances in order to flourish.

Please notice in passing these verses make clear that a marriage, a marriage which God approves and marriage that God recognises and a marriage that God blesses is between a man and a woman.

Even when the government turns around and says it’ll now be any way you like.

The marriage that God approves and blesses and recognises is always between a man and a woman.

This is a creation plan.

It’s not a brand new idea, we don’t live by culture in the church, we live by God’s Word in the church. And although some people have said oh this is like slavery, you know, we worked out after a while we should get rid of slavery, no slavery was never part of God’s creation plan.

But marriage between a man and a woman is part of God’s creation plan – runs all through the Bible, please don’t think that I’m saying this to you as just an old white guy. I’m saying this to you on behalf of the God of love, wisdom, faithfulness, care, authority in the scriptures.

A word to children, chapter 6:1 to 3, again I’m paraphrasing, 3 verses to children, only one to parents. He says children obey your parents, honour them, because you’ll remember the commandment number 5, which says you’re to honour your parents and it has a promise. Now Paul, you see, assumes that the children he’s speaking to will hear and understand what he’s saying.

And interestingly he uses the word obey and he also uses obey for the servant to the master, but he doesn’t use the word obey for the wife to the husband. Children, especially after a while to learn all the answers around the church.

They know how to answer all the questions and Paul’s issue is not can you answer all the questions? Paul’s question is I want to work out whether you’re submitted to Christ and your parents.

Because that’s the real test of your faith, it’s not how clever you are. it’s whether you’re actually obeying your parents.

When he talks about the 5th commandment going well and having long life, you’ll remember that this was a verse addressed to the people of Israel in the promised land, and it was perfectly true that if they were to be faithful to their parents, they would probably take on the faith of their parents, and God would probably preserve them generation after generation in the promised land.

And so that’s why he said this will be good for the dynasty of Israel.

But we would want to say too, wouldn’t we to children today that if you take on the faith of your parents, and follow the Lord Jesus Christ, it is going to be a very firm and fine foundation for you.

I understand that 80% of Christian leaders around the world have come from Christian homes. 80% of Christian leaders have come out of Christian homes.

And then a word to the father, or we might say the parent, chapter 6 verse 4, they only get one verse, you might say to yourself, how can you possibly address parents with one verse? I mean, don’t we need a 1000 books to read to be a good parent? Paul says, no, I’ve just got one verse for you, and it goes like this.

Don’t exasperate your children but bring them up in the truth and the wisdom of God.

Literally don’t make them angry, don’t frustrate them.

Don’t be unjust, don’t be unfair, don’t be unloving, but nourish them, he says, in the truth and the wisdom of God, what a wonderful, wonderful liberating verse, especially for parents who are feeling overwhelmed by all the stuff that is thrown at parents today on how to do things better and better and better and better.

So we ought to be taking this verse seriously because it is a tragedy that there’s 1000 lies that are being aimed at Christ in our world today. And now we are facing the epidemic of really child craziness.

That 70% of the trouble in the bush is committed by children or young people aged between 10 and 15.

So we can’t pretend, can we, that we know much better than God and we can forget about the Bible.

God is not only able to give people a brand new life, but he’s also able to give people brand new wisdom. And Christian parents would do well to take on this particular verse because in the, in the world of course today we’ve lurched from excessive discipline.

Of probably a very harsh kind.

And we’ve lurched over to excessive permissiveness.

Of a crazy, careless kind.

The apostle Paul simply says, no, I just want you to exercise loving care.

And loving discipline. Appropriate to your children.

I don’t think my wife will mind me saying this to you, but she grew up in a very faithful home.

And she’s said that when she was naughty, her dad would give her a lecture and that would be the worst possible thing for her, a lecture from her dad. And her sister was deprived of television for a certain amount of time, well that was just the worst thing in the world.

But there they are, you see, appropriately working out how to make sure that their children pick up the message of right from wrong.

So Paul is very clear, you see, on taking your role and if the parents have the life of Ephesians 1 to 3, they don’t really need a lot more when it comes to caring for children.

Third and lastly, servants and masters, chapter 6, verses 5 to 9 — 3 verses to the servant or we might say the employee, 1 verse to the master or we might say the employer, chapter 6:5-8, servants obey your masters as you do Christ, not just when he’s looking at you because it’s the Lord you’re serving, and he will reward you one day.

You probably know that the slaves in Paul’s day could be treated wonderfully, they could be like members of the family in the home, or slaves could be treated dreadfully, they could be treated like animals. What the apostle Paul is doing here very wisely is he’s providing for them some immediate relief by saying to them, just remember, as you go to work, your real master is Christ who loves you.

And it’s him you’re serving.

And he will reward you.

Ultimate freedom is coming, says the apostle Paul, but he wants the Christians in the short-term, to witness well, to show that they belong to Christ, not to rise up in rebellion and create havoc in the world.

One writer says that the slaves of the ancient world were like the machinery of the ancient world, you couldn’t just lift away the machinery of the ancient world or nothing would happen.

The apostle Paul very wisely doesn’t jump in and say everybody rise up and fight. He gives them some immediate help and comfort and also of course some ultimate hope.

So there is the apostle Paul to the workers and then verse 9, 1 verse to the master or the boss, he says, be like your master.

Be like your master.

You’re going to answer one day to Jesus Christ, behave like him. What an amazing thing it would be for a boss, who is a believer, to take his lead, her lead from Christ, and to be not only a good leader but also a good lover.

Taking care of the people under their control.

Now these verses, my friends, which we’ve covered very briefly, they show God’s plan for living for Christ.

We do this by the power of the spirit.

And we live as his lights in a dark world.

The verses here are not band-aids, as if you could just suddenly behave well and everything would be great. We know the world needs salvation.

It doesn’t just need some superficial fix up.

And that’s what the apostle Paul is talking about, so I want to come back at the last minute of my message this morning with a quote from Martin Lloyd Jones. Martin Lloyd Jones was a preacher in the UK in the 1960s, 1970s and 1980s, and he preached a long series on these books of the Bible, in fact, his book on Ephesians 5:21-6:9, which is what we’ve looked at today for 15 minutes, he writes 315 verses on those verses, and because I waded through the 315 verses this week for you, yes, I love you.

I’m going to give you a quick quote from his 315 verses, and this is what he says, remembering that we are a rescued people.

He says we have to remember therefore that we could never be his at all, and we could never be enjoying any of the benefits of the Christian life unless he had rescued us. You and I have to be rescued and to be redeemed before we can belong to the church, nothing else makes us Christian.

Let us remind ourselves of this in passing, you may be the best moral person in the world, but that will never make you a Christian. It will never make you a member of Christ, never make you a member of his church, there is only one thing that puts a person into the church, and that is that Christ has purchased them with his own blood, that he has died for them, redeemed them, this is the only way of entry into the true church, not the visible church, the invisible body of Christ, we are saved by his precious blood.

I said at the beginning that these verses all point us to Christ and I just want to close by saying this to you dear friends, if you’re a wife, ask yourself the question, did Christ submit well?

And the answer is he did.

Take a leaf out of his book.

To the husbands, did Christ love well?

Children, did he obey well? Did Christ care for those under his authority?

Servant, employee – did Christ serve well?

Employer, boss – did he govern well?

He did.

Take a leaf out of his book – you see Christ is the key to the life and he’s also the key to the lifestyle.

Let’s pray. Let’s bow our heads.

Heavenly Father, we thank you that you not only give new life to people, but you also give a new lifestyle, and we pray that the new life which Christ has come to bring would not only be real in our life, but it would also be transforming and it would have a wonderful effect on each part of our lives that we might not compartmentalise, but we, we might be your people wherever we go, for your honour, for the good of many.

And for our own joy, and we ask it in Jesus’ name, Amen.

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