All alone

The first thing in God’s good world that he deemed ‘not good’ was aloneness. Human beings are incurably relational. Whether we are shy or sociable, we are meant to relate to others. So it is sad when by choice or circumstances we find ourselves all alone.

Aloneness can be forced upon us by the death of someone close to us, by marital breakdown, by sheer geography, by illness. Or we can sometimes choose it because we figure that other people hurt us so much that it is best to steer clear of them. We avoid one sort of pain only to run headlong into another sort.

Being made for relationship doesn’t mean we can or should never be alone. Our lives are usually movements of aloneness and togetherness. It is sad when we cut ourselves off from others, but also sad when we compulsively need others to the extent that we can’t bear our own company. That leads to anxious and suffocating relationships.

Our language has two words which express this tension. One is loneliness, which describes the pain of being alone. The other is solitude, which describes the pleasure of being alone. Healthy self-regard, authentic relationships with others, and an awareness of the constant presence of God in our lives are the best ways to live with our solitude while enjoying our connectedness.

Blessings
David Reay