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The older couple were on a trip and they stopped at a restaurant for lunch, and as they got up to leave, she forgot her glasses on the table. They were 15 minutes down the road when she suddenly realised what had happened. To make matters worse, he had to keep driving to find a safe place to turn around, and he was not impressed. In fact he fumed and complained all the way back to the restaurant. How could she be so forgetful and stupid. She got out of the car to get her glasses, and the old man said “well, seeing your going back in, you may as well get my hat too”. 

Does that sound familiar to you?  We may laugh at the story, but it does say a lot about how us males do behave sometimes. Not all the time of course … but I want to think about this for a few minutes. You may not agree with everything I’m going to say, but that’s OK.

You may have heard the quaint expression “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”. It’s the name of a very popular book back in the 1990’s written by John Gray. It sold over 7 million copies; it talks of the differences between men and women … Someone rather unkindly said that men have only 2 emotions = forward and reverse. That is harsh I know …and not totally true for every male.

Us men can be difficult to understand at times … let’s be truthful. We can say “whatever my wife says, I’ll do the opposite” … or because I’m a man, it means I must strive for material success at all costs, be angry and abusive to others, or domineering and wanting to control others. And then some of us are so disorganized we’ve never grown up, and while we may be dependable, we are emotionally distant with our wives or daughters. Maybe I’ve been guilty of talking at you not to you … and there is a difference … Many men are stoic never admitting their emotional needs, doesn’t talk about his problems or listen to anyone who may have … and if he does share how he feels, he’s often classified as weak and vulnerable. But it’s been researched that from an early age man are taught to be disconnected from their internal feelings. We have this image of being tough, decisive, and not prone to tears. And so we grow up with that idea driven into our hearts, and during marriage things can become messy. But emotions are real … I have emotions, but my emotions should not control me. I need to try and manage my emotions.

In the movie “Anger Management”, Jack Nicholson is Dr Rydell the psychologist working with Dave Sandler, played by Adam Sandler. He was trying to help Dave manage his emotions, especially his anger. “Who are you?” Dr Rydell asks, and Dave describes his occupation. “No, I didn’t ask you what you do for a living. I asked you who you are. Sandler says he’s easy going…”I didn’t ask you about your personality..”. and Dave in anger says “what do you want to know?”. He lacked emotional intelligence because he doesn’t truly know who he is.

Jesus is the only perfect man to ever live. And that is a statement us guys should remember over and over again .. but how many men look to Jesus as their example? Sadly some think of Jesus as a weak man who never got his hands dirty or was soft all the time ..He is the perfect balance of compassion and hardness when it was required.  Have a look sometime at the New Testament, and there you will see Jesus the man who is powerful, commanding respect, and He was in control.  He was not afraid of confrontation and stood up for Himself and others, and He knew how to take beating. He was not always polite or patient and did not stand aloof from human suffering ..He was not sidetracked by others, and He was compassionate in His dealings with others.

Have a look especially at the gospel of Mark and read for yourself the real Jesus, the man’s man, and whilst masculinity is under attack in our culture today, Jesus very clearly shows how us guys should think and respond in day-to-day life. Jesus said in John 8 “This is who I am, this is where I came from, this is what I do, and this is where I am going”.  What a wonderful statement from Jesus, the Son of God, who gave His life for me and you on the cross.

(Men And Their Emotions: Part 2)

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