Kids Anxious About Coronavirus? Here’s 7 Ways to Manage Your Children’s and Teens’ Fears

Especially since the flow of information (and misinformation) has picked up. It’s difficult to ignore isn’t it? Reports are everywhere. On every screen, in every feed, every board meeting, work site and school staff meeting. I think many of us have vacillated between the ‘what nows?’ and the ‘what ifs?’

We know that we can’t shield our children, tweens and teens, because they will hear about it anyway, from peers, siblings and online. But how much is too much information? And what is age appropriate?

How do we help our children, tweens and teens manage their anxiety about COVID-19? How do we steer away from the fear?

1 – Model What Calm Behaviour Looks Like

Even teenagers look to the adults in their lives for behavioural cues. They learn from us about how concerned they should be about anything unknown or new. Even without words, our behaviour can inadvertently create a climate of distress in our homes. So it is important that we have support people to turn to, if we are feeling anxious ourselves.

2 – Normalise Anxiety – It’s Okay to Feel This Way

Concern for the unknown or some new disease is a perfectly normal reaction. Encourage your children that not all anxiety is bad. It is our brain’s brilliant way of keeping us safe from and alert to danger. Anxiety works like an alarm system, which prompts us to think of ways to look after ourselves. It’s just that an oversensitive alarm system can lead us to irrational thoughts and fears, which affect our healthy daily functioning. So how do we keep this alarm system in check, during this time? (I’ll get to that soon…)

3 – Monitor Your Child’s Moods and Behaviour

Even within developmental stages, children will display differences in how they respond to certain pieces of news or information. Just because your tween does not verbalise that they feel anxious (they may not even recognise anxiety in themselves), does not mean they are not struggling with something they have heard.

You know your child best, so looks for signs that they are not doing well. I.e. regression, sleep issues (struggling to fall asleep, waking up in the night and worrying, nightmares), changes in appetite, changes in behaviour (acting out, withdrawal, bouts of crying for seemingly small things), separation anxiety (not wanting to go to school, usual activities or to be left alone), sudden headaches or tummy aches and drop in school performance.

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4 – Be Proactive – Ask How They’re Going

At this time, it is a good idea to be proactive. Start by finding out what your child has heard and what they know, before launching into too many details. This can be done by asking open ended questions like, “Can you tell me what you heard about that?”

You can also ask specifically if they have any fears or concerns. Keep in mind that your t(w)een’s primary response to ‘scary’ or unknown news can often be emotional, rather than intellectual. The real question behind their question is usually, “Am I safe?”

5 – Most Importantly: Listen Well!

When your kids come home with stories from a classmate who said that you or grandma might die, this could be the underlying fear of the COVID-19 stories for them. Rather than simply saying, “Oh, we’ll be fine”, or, “That’s a silly thing to say”,  or, “Just forget about it”, instead acknowledge the emotion. Try saying something like, “That must have felt scary to hear”, or, “That must have worried you”.

Do lots of listening. Ask more open-ended questions and then listen some more. Even if your child or teen’s question or fear seems ‘silly’ to you, don’t minimise it. If it’s important to them it should be important to you. This helps your child feel heard and develops in them a sense that you care about them.

6 – Vary the Level of Information Depending on Their Age

Tailor your approach to each child’s age, maturity level, ability to process information and exposure to reports about the virus. Molly Gardner, a paediatric psychologist told TIME magazine, “Being informed and being anxious are two different things… The more we beat around the bush with kids, the more they might get confused.”

With most very young children, we know that shielding is the best option, but older children and teens have more exposure to current events. I have written before, that adults can sometimes assume their teens are coping with the overload of media reported trauma – while quietly – they are imploding.

For many teens, their imaginations (fuelled by sometimes unreliable social media reported trauma and a constant stream of graphic images) can magnify the events to even greater levels of terror. Our tweens and teens can usually cope with frank discussions. Again, stick to the facts. However, highlighting the misinformation and hype, represented in some media reports, can teach young people to become more critical media users themselves. Find realistic and trusted news sources that your family can follow.

7 – The CARE Approach to Making it Through a Health Crisis

One study about empowering families during a healthcare crisis recommends the CARE approach:

Choices
Agenda
Resilience
Emotional Support

By following the CARE principles young people and families feel empowered. These steps can reduce anxiety and trauma responses.

(1) CHOICES – In a powerless environment, choices give us power

Offering your children choices may include:

• Channelling their anxiety into useful action, showing them that everyone can do something to slow the spread of disease. For example, using hand sanitiser, coughing into your elbow, washing your hands regularly.
• Distraction – because when we fixate on negative informationour anxiety grows, but if turn our attention to healthy activities, it shrinks. Ask your child to choose some healthy activities such as doing their homework, doing some physical activity, playing with a pet, playing a board game or watching a favourite show.
• Encouraging teens to take a break from news and social media reports on the crisis.

(2) AGENDA – Let children and families know what to expect and what is expected of them

• This could be done by explaining the school’s plan for learning, if the school were to close for a few weeks. (Final year students might be especially anxious about this).
• Think about what activities they could do during this time (both academic and for relaxation).
• If your child is disappointed that a scheduled event has been cancelled, just listen. Let them vent.
• Explain what ‘social distancing’ means, and why ‘flattening the curve‘ (slowing down the spread of the virus) is an important part of government decisions.
• Then talk about what steps you would take if a family member did contract the virus (because kidsare wondering about this!) What is your family plan?

(3) RESILIENCE – Highlight strengths and reframe negatives

• Research suggests that teenagers feel better when they turn their attention to supporting others during difficulty. There is great power in volunteering.
• Talk about what ‘love in action’ looks like in a time like this. Think about what you would do to support grandparents, family members or neighbours who are vulnerable or have a disability. For example, collect and drop off food parcels, toiletries and medicines.
• Find current examples of ‘helpers’ – like 19-year-old NBL star Zion Williamson and his incredible act of kindness to help the basketball industry through the crisis.
• My favourite quote on reframing negatives is one from the American children’s TV identity Fred Rogers:

(4) EMOTIONAL SUPPORT – Recognise and normalise common fears and responses

• Keep providing daily ‘emotional first aid’. Check in on how your children are feeling.
• Remind them you are there tolisten to any questions or concerns.
• Some young people find that their faith brings them great comfort, in times of crisis. Support them in this.
• You might like to help your child, tween or teen to begin a daily (short term) journal or worry box, where they can write down their fears. Then be sure to balance these with something from principles 1, 2 and 3.

One Last Thought – Find Some Humour

Humour can often highlight the craziness of humanity, but also normalise our response to the unknown. There are so many toilet paper memes going around. See who can find the best one.

Collett Smart is a psychologist and qualified teacher