Pains of the Past - Hope 103.2

Pains of the Past

By Chris WittsSaturday 29 Jun 2013Morning Devotions with Chris WittsUncategorizedReading Time: 0 minutes


Are you performing at your top efficiency? Are you feeling productive and positive? If not,your wounds of the past may be catching up to you.  When people internalise hurts,disappointments,and offences and leave them unresolved,they gradually may change into a low-grade depression. And,they take their toll,both at work and at home.

Winning Over Hurts
Not everyone who is severely wounded is doomed to failure in the end. Whether you’re hurt at home,at work,or both places at once,you get back up,dust yourself off,handle the problem until it’s resolved,and try again.

When people get hurt at home or work,certain steps need to be taken so the consequences of the conflict don’t end up jeopardising your marriage or creating additional problems at work. Wounded people want to retreat into their work,but that temptation must be resisted so resolution can come. The following steps enable conflict to end and a hurt to be resolved rather than fester into an infectious wound that destroys both work and home life.

1.    Confront Your Hurts.
The temptation is to let it slide by,going unnoticed. When you do that,it’s called emotional procrastination. When my wife and I first were married,we thought the goal was to keep peace. There were many things we did that hurt each other. We didn’t confront the hurts so rather than grow together we grew separately alongside each other. When we stopped avoiding conflict,we saw a whole new dimension to our relationship. Our relationship became like a beautiful dance with rhythm and depth. The key is to stay engaged and be willing to enter the relationship dance that healthy relationships must maintain,even when it’s painful.

2.    Discuss Your Hurts
Once a hurt is confronted,the tendency is to blame the other person. All that really needs to happen is to discuss the hurt. The discussion needs to centre on how you felt and what you experienced. Withstand the temptation to strike back and retaliate. Diffuse your anger by discussing the issue with another person.

3.    Resolve Your Hurts
Resolution means that you have experience the hurt,shared your feelings and moved to the next step in life. Too often,people focus on a simple hurt,ruining their lives. Resolution comes when you choose to forgive. You must find a way to release the person from the bondage of having the event thrown back at him or her over and over again. Of course,this is important at home,but it’s equally important at work. If you want to succeed,be sure you’re a resolver.

Getting On With It
As mature adults,eventually we must stop focusing on what was and what might have been and get on with what is and what is to be. We must change our way of living from the ‘if onlys’ to the reality of each day. If you’re having a problem getting on with it,perhaps the following steps will further assist you in the resolution of your wounds.

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•    Explore your ‘hurt trail’.
A hurt trail is a list of the most painful incidents you can recall. Write these incidents down and bring them into your consciousness. Working on your hurt trail won’t be a one-day job. You may want to seek the assistance of a friend or a qualified counsellor. If a caring and trusted family member is available to you,he or she may be extremely helpful in putting the pieces together.

•    Allow yourself to feel the pain of your hurtful times.
Many people store away the pain of the past ─ they deny it,repress it,or simply pretend t doesn’t hurt. Feeling the pain of our wounds is a cleansing experience,even though the emotions themselves may be intense and a little frightening. If you feel you can’t face the pain alone,talk to a pastor,rabbi,counsellor or therapist. And remember,the pain you feel is far less dangerous than the pain you hide.

•    Forgive the ones who wounded you.
By carrying bitterness in our hearts towards those who hurt us,we hurt ourselves most of all. Medical research proves conclusively that repressed anger causes a number of illnesses and makes some physical conditions worse. By forgiving those who have hurt us,we release the emotions that bind us to the painful past. But remember,forgiveness is a process,not an event. Not only should we forgive others; we also need to forgive ourselves. Self forgiveness is a significant part of the process. Now,this may sound strange,but we also need to forgive God.

Some people become bitter and angry toward God because they feel they weren’t protected by God. Forgive God and restore your relationship with him.

•    Recognise your behaviour patterns to compensate for the pain of past wounds.
Has your pain caused you to overstress one of the three elements of success ─ mission,money,or meaning? Are you fixed on wealth with little regard to mission or meaning? Are you too fixated on meaning with little regard to financial realties or the mission that must be accomplished to succeed?

Act now so the hurt stops with you instead of being passed on to your children. Decide that you will become the transitional generation and that there will be no further pain inflicted from generations ago. Lose your wounds with determination to do the hard work of resolving them. Begin today to heal the wounds of your past and move forward with your future!