For all the girls that have gone through a break up. This is for you.
Firstly, I’m sorry. Break-ups suck! They hurt and if I was in the same city as you I’d give you a big mumma bear hug (or at least I’d try, haha). Relationships are messy and complicated, and a lot harder than people make them out to be.
When I was teen I thought it’d be super easy to find the “one” and it wouldn’t take long for him to put a ring on it. Sadly, it didn’t happen like that for me, actually I’m not sure it’s happened like that for anyone.
I’ve had my fair share of heartbreaks and felt the sting of being dumped, but one thing I know is: the story ain’t over yet. So dry your eyes sweet girl. God is really good at putting us back together. He is a good dad and a beautiful healer. Give Him the pieces and let Him restore your soul. While you’re doing that, here’s some practical advice that’ll help you survive this break up.
1. Close the door and throw away the key
So often when we call it quits in a relationship, we don’t actually shut the door entirely (just in case it’s “meant to be”). Truth is, you’ll never actually move past him until you fully let go of him. So slam that door girl. If it’s right and God needs to open it again, he’ll knock it down. But for now let him go, reset and restore. A wound can’t heal if it’s constantly re-opened.
Even if you’ve both decided to stay friends (because you’re mature and chill like that), it’s definitely best to fully disconnect right after the break up. No talk, no text and definitely no Facebook stalking (which I am totally guilty of, well more like MSN stalking, FB wasn’t around in my day). It will feed old feelings and most likely cause new ones like sadness, loss, pain (all that tragic stuff that makes us want to eat a tub of icecream). On that note, get into the icecream (jokes, but kinda serious).
3. Throw yourself into the arms of God and things renew you
The best place we can ever find ourselves is wrapped in the arms of God. So, take a moment to let Him love you, affirm you, remind you that His promises are Yes and Amen. After you’ve done that, lean into things that renew and refresh your soul. Church, youth, exercise, hobbies, passions are all good places to help us detox from negative emotions and keep us moving forward not stuck in a rut.
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4. Get around ya girls
In a time like this you need your gal pals. Don’t isolate yourself and try and avoid people because you don’t want to talk about him and what happened. That’s OK. You don’t need to talk about it. Lean into supportive, loving, positive friendships. It will do you a world of good.
5. Dump the triggers
I know this is hard, but get rid of anything from him or that reminds you of him. It will make the healing process so much harder if you’re going to bed every night in one if his old t-shirts. When I broke up with my high school boyfriend I had to dump a lot of photos and mementos because, plain and simple, it made me miss him. So trash the triggers and delete the pictures.
6. Embrace your feelings, but don’t live by them
It’s OK that you still have feelings for him, but trust me, if you don’t feed them eventually they’ll dwindle and die. 😉 God doesn’t tell us to deny our feelings, but he does instruct us to rule over them. It’s OK to be angry, to be hurt, to be sad, to be depressed even. We are human beings and we feel! God gets it. You are not a failure because things didn’t work out. This is life. Some days we “win”, other days we “learn”. Don’t let your feelings dictate your actions.
7. Look at the big picture
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the story ain’t over yet. Trust me, I thought I was going to marry my high school boyfriend (awkward because most people who know me know who that is) but I didn’t and that’s OK. He wasn’t right for me and I wasn’t right for him. Life is long. Just a few years after one of the most painful break ups, I met a guy that swept me right off my feet and still does to this day. We’ve been together nearly eight years and all the past relationships feel like a distant memory.
Time doesn’t heal all wounds, it’s what you do with that time. Give it God.
Article supplied with thanks to Sabrina Peters.
About the Author: Sabrina is a writer, pastor and relationships blogger. She is passionate about Jesus and changing the way people think about God & sex.