When you’re single it seems like every other person in your life is dating, engaged or married. Andrea Trevanna has felt that pain. Her new book The Heart of Singleness dives into how to cope with a couple crazy world on your own.
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Andrea understands that being single can be “second best” and that often we can wrap up our identity, dreams and goals with marriage thinking it’s what we need, all we want and what we’re made for. In a world where being single is not the norm, and where we judge people for their lack of a partner, it’s hard to feel like singleness is a gift. For years Andrea had an ideal of what a husband would be like, and comments on how easily we can put all the weight of our hopes and expectations and dreams on one man/woman. Unfortunately, no one is perfect and by idolising a partner to the extremes of a saviour, we can replace the true saviour in our life, Jesus.
Understanding that God knows what’s best for us and accepting this fact into our hearts, unfortunately doesn’t remove every couple from our lives or make living the single life a piece of cake. Walking into weddings alone or being set up on a never-ending series of blind dates is still hard and can spark dark thoughts about our lack of worth or ruin our confidence. Andrea says that singles should pre-empt these times and speak truths of the bible and God’s love for them over their heart before they go into these challenging situations. If you’re looking for a passage to encourage you, Andrea suggests going back to the gospels and realising that Jesus died for you regardless of your marital status, “we need to see that we are special, valued and loved.” A verse held close to Andrea’s heart is Philippians 4:12, where Paul shares the secret to being content; a relationship with Jesus.
For those who desperately want to help their single friends, Andrea encourages you not to single them out specifically because of their lack of a partner. Also, “don’t perpetuate the lie that having a husband is all they need” by sending them on date after date. Rather, share your lives with them, strengthen their relationship with God and be their friend.
To learn more about Andrea’s journey and how you can live a happy single life, read her book The Heart of Singleness