By Duncan RobinsonThursday 1 Jun 2017ParentingReading Time: 4 minutes
When I was in my 20’s I had big dreams. I wanted to change the world, write books, speak to thousands of people, travel the world, get married, ride unicorns and punch Titans.
They were all audacious, massive incredible goals. I wanted to set the bar high, challenge myself at every pass.
New Year’s would roll around and I’d relish the opportunity to nut out another five-year plan with a bunch of Audacious Goals, Big Dreams and Powerful Vision.
Then I had kids.
Then my dream failed.
Then dad died.
….and then, and then, and then.
I’m 37 now, and my dream is lofty: I want to be a good dad.
That dream feels massive, audacious and a challenge. I also feel I’m not even close. I get angry too quick. I get frustrated too fast. I probably don’t give them my best time. I’m a work-in-progress, but I want to do it well.
Can’t Do It Alone
I pray. Man, I need Jesus on this. Kids are tough and exceptional all at once. It’s the hardest and most amazing thing ever, being a dad, and I’ve got a long way to go, and no time to stop. It feels big, it feels hard and it takes up a LOT of my time.
To use a term coined by business guru Jim Collins, Proverbs 22:6 feels like a ‘Big Hairy Audacious Goal’.“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”
Start them off, raise them up; that’s a daily challenge!
My Other Gigantic Goal
The other lofty, audacious goal is this: to be a good husband.
You want a big, fat goal. Nailing it on the husband-front, seems like a challenge enough. People can struggle enough in marriage, even without having kids in the mix. But I’m not some rookie 20-something millennial. I’m a 37 year old, knuckle dragging, Gen-X, Silver Back. I’m swinging big and taking on two massive challenges….’cause I can.
Yeah, Paul, I read what you wrote in 1 Corinthians 7, and I know marriage is a challenge: “I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.” – 1 Corinthians 7:7
I didn’t end up being single like you, Paul, so I’m going to do my best to be the BEST hubby I can be. I’m not even close. So many things to improve on. There are days when I’m a miserable, melancholy sad-sack. Days where I ditch chores to sit on the couch. I drop the ball.But I’m also in the trenches committed to making it awesome.
Seriously, we can all do it better, and I’m willing to be the best possible husband I can be. Not Perfect. But the best I possibly can be. And I pray like crazy. This is a huge challenge. I value marriage, and I love my wife. So I’m in for making that the best.
Seriously, it is a lofty, epic challenge.
Yes I’d love to preach in stadiums to thousands of people.
I’d love a best-selling book.
I’d love to cook championship winning barbecues.
I’d love to punch the moon and ride a unicorn.
I’d love to run a multi-million dollar enterprise.
But they aren’t my loftiest goals. They aren’t even my big goals. Those goals seem miniscule, right next to Dad and Husband. Lemme crush those first, before I think about anything else.
Get Things Right at Home First
My tribe: Max, Ruby and Grizz, the chocolate lab.
I want to keep this simple, and I think about these two goals in terms of my veggie patch at home. Two verses from Proverbs make this really clear:
“Be sure you know the condition of your flocks, give careful attention to your herds” – Proverbs 27:23
“Put your outdoor work in order and get your fields ready; after that, build your house.” – Proverbs 24:27
“Men, you will be a better husband if your first point of ministry is home.”
Tending to your own field, without being jealous or longing for a bigger one, seems like a challenge. What if we poured our best energy and time into cultivating a home of love, inclusion and support, and this was our ministry? Too often I am guilty of using the house as a sanctuary where I can be my worst, rather than being my best.
What if we save the A-Game for home? Our demands are extensive, and yes, work pays you for your best. We need to have rest and energy for working with our best foot forward. Yet if our family keeps getting our scraps, we’ll pay for our worst at home. I know finding the balance is hard, but these two verses in Proverbs give me pause to think: is home getting the energy and effort it deserves?
Men, you will be a better husband if your first point of ministry is home. You will be a better dad if your marriage is on-point. You will have greater perspective and reach if you tend to your home with the best energy.
That for me, feels big. It feels audacious. It feels challenging.
If these were the only two goals I had in my life, and I achieved them, I will have succeeded.