By Chris WittsTuesday 30 Oct 2018Morning Devotions with Chris WittsFaithReading Time: 4 minutes
When Jerry Seinfeld began his comedy show watched by millions of people over the years—it was called Seinfeld—he paid one of his New York buddies what he considered to be a big compliment. He named a character on the show after him. The friend was Mike Costanza. The character on the show was George Costanza. What’s more, after the show became a big success, Jerry arranged for Mike to get a small part in one episode. Apparently Jerry valued his friendship with Mike and wanted to express that in whatever way he could.
At first, Mike Costanza reveled in the glory of having a character on a hit show named after him. There were more than a few similarities between him and George, and he bragged to his friends that he was George. However, the George character wasn’t based entirely on Mike Costanza and, to Mike’s dismay, the writers of Seinfeld had George do some things that Mike found embarrassing. For example, George danced happily when he found out his fiancée had passed away, he knocked down a little old lady in a rush to get out of a burning building, he took advantage of people on more than one occasion.
Finally, Mike decided he had had enough. The George Costanza character was ruining his life. The people he had impressed earlier with the Seinfeld connection now saw Mike as the ultimate loser. So, Mike did the only thing he knew to do: he sued his good friend Jerry Seinfeld for $100 million for using the Costanza name. A true story.
The point is that sometimes friendships go wrong—and can turn very ugly. Even Jerry Seinfeld is not exempt from a failed friendship. Relationships with other people—even friends and family—can be unpredictable and turn nasty. You may know what I’m talking about.
Most of the joy we experience in life—and most of the pain—is the result of our relationships. This applies to friendships, marriages, parent-child relationships, and work relationships. When you’re surrounded by people you love and people that love you, the hardships of life become more bearable. On the other hand, no amount of success can ever compensate for the pain of a failed relationship. However, if you want to be happy, you’ll have to learn to manage your relationships.
Those who consider friendship and marriage a disposable item ultimately find themselves unhappy and alone. On the other hand, a recent study published in Men’s Health magazine reveals that the happiest—and healthiest—people are those whose relationships are strong and fulfilling. Happily married men live longer than single or divorced men.
Two Factors in a Good Relationship
I think loyalty is a big part in any relationship. The people closest to you need to know that they are important to you—more important to you than the externals of life. There’s a story about a guy who had recently married a lovely young lady and was beginning to wonder whether she might have married him just for his money. He asked her, If I lost all my money, would you still love me? She put her arms around him and said gently, Oh, honey! Don’t be silly. Of course I would still love you. I would miss you terribly—but I would still love you. Those people closest to us need to know that they have our loyalty—always.
In the Bible’s Old Testament, Solomon said, “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24 ESV). Solomon differentiates between companions and close friends. Another word for ‘companions’ might be merely acquaintances. There’s a difference between knowing a person on a surface level and having a valued relationship with someone. An acquaintance is a person you get along with as long as everything goes well between the two of you; a close friend stays with you no matter what. I hope you have a friend like that.
People need your commitment to listen. That’s an important part of building a good relationship with others. Some people hear you, but they just don’t listen. This is a really old joke: Two guys were playing golf, and one said, My wife has a real problem. She talks to herself all the time. The other man said, My wife talks to herself all the time, too, only she doesn’t know it. She thinks I’m listening.
One of the greatest gifts you can give is the gift of listening to what they have to say. Stephen Covey says, “Many people do not listen with intent to understand. They listen with intent to reply.” This is not listening at all, and it reveals a lack of commitment to the other person.
Proverbs says, “He who answers before listening—that is his folly and his shame” (Proverbs 18:13). The Book of James says, “Be quick to listen and slow to speak” (James 1:19).
This is not about manipulating—but about listening. You can’t try to control someone by listening to them. Listening requires commitment on your part. A willingness to listen tells the other person, I value you as a person.