I’m sure that you’ve been hurt—I don’t mean physically, but in the emotional or spiritual sense. I’m pretty sure someone has hurt you by what they said or did not say, or what they actually did to you—either intentionally or unintentionally. It all about being alive, isn’t it?, that you will get hurt by some misunderstanding.
So, I want to try and answer this question: Can I ever get over my deep hurt?
It has been said that the mind, people’s brain, is like a huge computer. Though some have estimated that we use less than 10% of our brain’s capacity, many of us store up in reserve—by files with specific names, dates, and addresses and telephone numbers—the pain of yesterday’s personal blows. The bottom line is for many of us that resentment is a crippler to many of our relationships. Webster’s Dictionary defines ‘resentment’ as strong anger or displeasure, a deep sense of injury. The word ‘grudge’ is also a word that is used in that same context. A grudge is a secret malice or ill will, an old dislike or quarrel.
It is unfortunate, but the bottom line is simply this: people hurt each other. That’s a fact of life and if you are going to live, you are going to be hurt and you are going to hurt others, though it may not be intentional—both to receive the hurt, nor to deal it out. Because we are flesh and blood and often very self-centred, we must learn how to deal with that pain from people. How you handle your hurt, will for the most part determine your happiness, your residence, your profession, your partner for the rest of your life. If you choose to hold on to the deep hurts of life, they will inevitably turn into resentment and resentment is a destroyer of relationships.
I have sometimes heard the phrase, I just don’t love my husband any more or I feel nothing for her any longer. Love is dead, I wish I could get it back, but I have no feeling, I just don’t care any more, it’s over. I feel dead inside. But I think we need to think differently. The Bible says that “love keeps no records of wrongs.”
Love is an Action, a Choice
But you may say, That’s right, but the problem is I don’t love him any more. Remember, love is an action, it is a choice. What takes away the feeling are the actions and choices of our minds and our bodies and the reason that we feel like we don’t love them any more is because we have chosen not to love them any more. Because we have held on to a resentment that has destroyed the feeling—remember once again, love is not a feeling, it will produce feelings.
I like what The Voice translation says for 1 Corinthians 13:5 says, “…Love does not tally wrongs”. You may have heard the story of Corrie ten Boom having to forgive the prison guard, who was so cruel to her sister Betsie. Corrie saw this man viciously abuse her sister—who died shortly afterwards—when both of them were in prison for protecting Jews in Holland during World War II.
Years later, Corrie was seated on the platform of a church, preparing to speak in a service, when she spotted this very man in the audience. She struggled in her heart. She prayed in desperation for God to fill her heart with the love of Jesus. He did, but forgiveness became even more of a challenge when, after the service, this guard rather glibly said, in so many words, how good God is to forgive all of us. She wondered how sorry he was.
(Read Can I Get Over my Deep Hurt? – Part 2)