By Mark HadleyTuesday 3 Apr 2012MoviesReading Time: 3 minutes
Wrath Of The Titans
Rating: M
Distributor: Roadshow
Release DateE: March 29
Wrath Of The Titans is the final argument in support of a long known truth that Hollywood producers seem determined to ignore. If you happen to be one of those espresso-drinking, chauffer-driven brigade then read the following sentence very carefully and say it to yourself three times before you ever pick up your chequebook again: only a good script promises a good result.
Wrath Of The Titans is the sequel to 2010’s remade Clash Of The Titans. The demigod Perseus (Sam Worthington) has settled for a quiet life by the sea after defeating a swag of gods in his previous outing. He’s now living the life of a fisherman with his son on some rocky outcrop of Greece. At the end of the last film he’d convinced his followers that the divine beings who demanded their worship weren’t really worth a hasty ‘Amen’ and it was time for humanity to stand on its own two feet. It seems the word spread and at the beginning of the film Perseus is visited by his dad Zeus (Liam Neeson), who informs him of the consequences of his theological rebellion.
Apparently because no one is praying to them any more, the gods are losing their powers. As a result all of their works are coming undone. Oh … er … and that includes the prison they built to hold their dear old dad, the voracious titan Kronos. Would Perseus mind helping them put the pieces back together? ‘Why me?’ Perseus asks, rather reasonably. Zeus responds with the enigmatic:
“You will learn that being half human makes you stronger than a god.”
Oh? Well that’s alright then. So after a bit of wanton demonic destruction to bring the point home, Perseus sets off on his new quest to deal with Kronos. On the way he runs into the damsel Andromeda (Rosamund Pike), whom he rescued last film. She’s become something of a career woman and now commands armies while clad in a highly impractical suit of armour. The god Poseidon (Danny Huston) warns them that ‘One half-god won’t be enough to beat Kronos,’ they’ll need a second … presumably to make a full god (no, I didn’t quite follow the logic either). So they stop to pick up the watery god’s half-son Agenor (Toby Kebbell) whose essential contribution seems to be less-than-witty one-liners.
From there Wrath Of The Titans rapidly descends into farce. Key characters spout the most awful pseudo-wisdom ever committed to a script. Heroes and villains display wildly inconsistent abilities and make blinding insights to leap over the gaps in logic. Scenes are strung together with the sole purpose of displaying CGI creatures who seem to have nothing better to do than run madly at the first hero with a sword. But I guess they’re evenly matched given they’re usually squaring off against champions who literally believe the best thing to do when fighting a monster made of molten magma is to smear yourself in mud – “Anything that’s not covered is certain to catch fire!” You reckon?
The plot becomes so hard to follow that my brain gave up and I lost consciousness for fifteen minutes. Thankfully there was one thread of continuity that convinced me I was still watching the same film: Worthington’s determination to make no allowances for his character’s ancient Greek heritage. The moment I heard him speak in an Australian accent so broad it would have been well at home on the Nullarbor, I knew exactly where I was …
So is there anything to say for such a colossal waste of screen time? Both films in the Titans franchise have made humanity’s rejection of the gods the central plank for their plots. Yet weirdly both scripts have the hero relying on divine weapons or wisdom to get the job done. And a third Titans plot is currently in development because it appears those pesky gods just won’t go away. It seems that even when we’re doing our best to demonstrate how little we need the divine, it’s amazing how few of our stories make sense without it.