By Georgia FreeMonday 3 Jul 2023Finding HopeCultureReading Time: 4 minutes
Warning: this article talks about abusive relationships. If you or someone you know have experienced domestic abuse or violence help is available on 1800 RESPECT. 1800 737 732. Visit our Counselling and Helplines page for more useful community services.
Megan Owen Cox is a force of nature. In 2011, she escaped an abusive marriage and religious cult, fleeing from Europe to the USA with four small children in tow.
But, as Megan told the Finding Hope podcast, her experience of religion was not always so oppressive.
“I was raised episcopalian and it might have been my saving grace,” Megan said.
“Because, in years to come, I knew that what I was experiencing bore no good fruit.”
Source: Megan Owen Cox / Supplied
Filling the void
When Megan’s parents both died in a car accident when she was in her early 20s, she was looking for someone to fill the void. She met the man who was to become her husband at Christian college – and quickly became dependent on him.
“He wanted to be a pastor, and I thought that he would be a good husband and father,” Megan said.
“I understand now that he was controlling but I thought that he was just protective.
“I was also attracted to the fact that he was close to his family. Just having lost my parents… I just thought they would love me.
“But there was no real love there. It was just control.”
Trapped in a cycle
Throughout their marriage, Megan endured horrific abuse on a daily basis but, as she explained, it was hard to see the signs at first.
“An abusive relationship can be death by a thousand cuts,” she said.
“He would always make me second guess myself. I thought I was losing my mind.
“I was so spiritually abused that I thought I was going to hell for leaving him.
“I thought divorce was not an option.”
It wasn’t until a friend came to visit Megan and told her that what she was going through wasn’t normal, that Megan began to see her situation for what it truly was. However, leaving him would not be easy.
“Everyone in an abusive relationship knows that when the mask falls off, the grip gets tighter. And that’s exactly what happened,” Megan said.
Making a break
Megan tried to leave multiple times – but with no money, four young children and no family support – she couldn’t afford to make a fresh start. Then, the family moved to Europe, which worsened the abuse, isolating Megan and her children even further. But the compassion of a neighbour gave Megan hope for a better future.
“My neighbour Dororthy noticed bruises on mine and my children’s arms [from being dragged around],” Megan said.
“She was horrified, but it was my normal. I had been surviving it for so long.”
However, it was a couple of weeks later, when Megan’s husband “did something unconscionable” to one of their children, that she knew she had to escape.
“I sat on our bed, and looked out our window and felt God say ‘you can go now’,” she said.
“I sat on our bed, and looked out our window and felt God say ‘you can go now’.”
“And our neighbour paid for tickets for my children and I to come back to the United States.
“I left two days later. And never looked back.”
Damaging doctrine
In the months following, Megan rebuilt her life from scratch, taking jobs wherever she could – from piano lessons to remedial reading tutoring.
In 2012, a year after escaping her marriage, she founded Give Her Wings, Inc – a non-profit to serve single mothers, like herself, who were leaving abuse without support.
Megan continued to serve vulnerable communities with roles as a crisis worker and hospital chaplain before starting her own counselling practice, Mountain City Christian Counselling, in 2021.
Megan now works with people who have experienced religious trauma and hurt to find hope and healing.
Megan now works with people who have experienced religious trauma and hurt to find hope and healing. She is especially passionate about correcting the damage that poor theology has on marriages and families throughout America.
“What kept me in abuse for 12 years, was not because my hands were shackled. It was because I had taken in poor theology and not done the work myself to figure out who God is,” Megan said.
“My ex-husband used to say ‘you’re the woman. You’re made from the rib of man, so you have to do what I say. You were designed to be my helper’.”
However, upon reading the original Hebrew bible manuscripts, Megan found that the word for “helper” is ezer, which means ‘life saver’. That same word has been used in other sections of the Bible to describe the Holy Spirit. Today, Megan teaches her clients to unlearn the same poor theology that she was taught – not an easy task, but one she has dedicated her life to.
“Essentially, my whole abusive relationship was based on a poor translation of that word,” Megan said.
“And it’s being taught everywhere.”
Listen to Megan’s full story on Finding Hope in the player above.
For more of Megan’s work, visit Mountain City Christian Counselling and listen to her podcast Pretty Psych.