Have you ever felt unwanted, abandoned, or rejected? I think everyone remembers feeling unwanted and rejected at some time or another in his or her life. Some people recover from these experiences; however, the devil has used memories of rejection to keep others in an emotional prison for the rest of their lives. These are the people who never feel wanted and accepted, nor do they feel like they can measure up to other people.
It could be that I’m describing something you have experienced in the past. Perhaps it is a recent event that is still very fresh in your memory—I feel for you. Regardless of who we are, we all deal with these issues from time to time. Therefore, it is essential that you and I make a decision about how we are going to react when something occurs that makes us feel unwanted, abandoned, or rejected. Sometimes, it’s awfully easy to feel that nobody cares about you. Even the most popular and famous people have doubts about whether or not people close to them actually care.
But you are not really alone—it was Mother Theresa who said, “We have drugs for people with diseases like leprosy. But these drugs do not treat the main problem, the disease of being unwanted.” The sick and poor suffer even more from rejection than material want. Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty. Could it be worse than physical poverty?
When we Feel Unworthy
Ever feel unloved, unappreciated? We all have at one time or another. The harsh reality is that in some cases it’s the truth. Ever lost a job. You’re not valuable enough for them to keep you which is why you were on the company’s list of unwanted employees. The reality is tough to accept, and a piece of your self-worth and confidence is snatched away within minutes.
Or how about something even more heart-wrenching? A spouse decides they want a divorce. They tell you they are not in love with you anymore and have found someone else to focus their affection upon. Devastation! Your self-worth and heart are shot down, and you feel more unwanted than ever before.
Another example is an adopted child. When they find out that their parents aren’t their blood parents a deep insecurity tries to get at them under the disguise of feeling unwanted. Am I a mistake, an inconvenience? Why wouldn’t my blood parents want me? These questions—and more—stem from the feeling of being unwanted. Experiences such as these can be very hurtful and can tend to leave wounds in your heart, whether you are aware of them or not. You feel rejected. You feel crushed .
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Maybe you’re going through a tough time right now. You’re dealing with emotions that stem from feeling unwanted or unloved in some way. You feel alone and isolated with no support. The life and joy drains from your being and motivating yourself seems next to impossible.
Dealing with Lack of Self-Worth
Let God be Your Strength
Well the truth is that no-one is really alone. There is a God who is real and loves us more than anything this world can offer. If you are struggling through tough times bring the situation before God and lay those feelings or burdens down at his feet. Let him be your strength. We were never created to be alone.
A Gallup poll suggests that loneliness, feelings of being left alone affect more than a third of the population! If you’re feeling that way, try and accept yourself. Because God has fully accepted you, you need to also accept yourself. You are made in God’s image and likeness. You are his child. He does not make junk. The Bible says that you are his ‘workmanship’—his masterpiece and his work of art—and that “God planned for us to do good things and to live as He has always wanted us to live” (Ephesians 2:10).
This is sometimes the hardest step of all. Begin seeing yourself as God sees you. Base your view of yourself on what God says about you. Declare who you are in Christ according to God’s Word. Avoid feelings of inferiority (rejection) and superiority (pride). Begin overriding the old, negative self-talk and learn to accept yourself.
Here’s a great verse from 1 John 3:1: “Think how much the Father loves us. He loves us so much that He lets us be called His children, as we truly are”. He loves you to eternity and back—you need never feel unwanted. Robert Schuller claims you have self-esteem, a sense of dignity and worth because you were made in God’s image. Remember the catch phrase: “God made me, and God don’t make no junk! God does not love us because we are valuable, but we are valuable because God loves us.”
So we need to remember:
1. Our value comes from God:
– We are always worth something as children of God.
– God’s love is constant, never fluctuating—so is our worth.
2. Our value does not lessen if:
– we make a lot of mistakes.
– we gain excess weight
– our friends leave us
– we grow older and lose energy.
Keep a Forgiving Stance Toward Others
In response to those who rejected and crucified him, Jesus prayed: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34) Forgiving those who hurt us and reject us is not an easy thing to do. In fact, it’s virtually impossible without God’s help. However, the Holy Spirit will give you supernatural grace to do so, if you ask. Forgiveness is not an emotion, it is a decision.
The most powerful evidence that you have been healed of the wound of rejection is that you can love the person who rejected you. This is the most unnatural thing in the world but it can happen through the supernatural power of God’s love. In this way, you become a vessel of God’s love to others who may have been wounded just as you were. John Maxwell puts it this way, “Hurt people hurt people”. Use people’s offence towards you as a means of showing Christ’s love back to them.